Sunday, October 06, 2013

Love or Love?

A day will come in your life when you will recollect what an asshole you have been till some time before. By this time you have changed to a new person. One who lives like she’s seeing the world for the first time- rejoicing every day of being ‘single’ again. By now you would’ve moved on and walked on so many lines, turns and sidewalks that you would’ve forgotten that you are the same person who stood in front of the mirror with a long face and asked such morose questions - ‘God what is the purpose of this living?’ ‘Why so much pain?’ and ‘Why me?’ You would walk past by eye- candies and chiknas flaunting the best of your smiles and maybe add a mischievous wink if you think you is up to it. And the bliss remains. Until you see a friend who has had a break up some time back and you realize that you ARE the same person. And it all comes back in a FLASHBACK. Living in Denial phase for long time. Screwing up your diet.Calling off plans to meet friends and family. Calling off interviews. Calling off parlour appointments. Going off the Facebook. Off. Off. Off everything. Then if the close ones intervened, telling them that they are cold, little unfeeling mammals who don’t understand what being in or out of ‘Love’ means. And saying a few more rude things if they persist to take you out of your darkness. Swearing if they go to the subject of spirituality and ‘Whatever happens, happens for good’ sort of shit. The most unbelievable part is when you begin to lie. And lie as if you have not made enough of scene among your friends already. Lies, because, although your ‘Devdas’ avatar was noticed by the Oscar jury, it wasn’t even acknowledged by your ex. (and in your mind he is still not your ex). ‘I don’t care about him anymore. Do you think I care? I don’t give a damn’, says you in the afternoon. And then send him 51 msges that night. ‘I know, I had promised you I will not call him again,’ to your best friend, ‘but I really thought it was my last day of life and so I had to say everything I wanted to.’ Yes and many more such lies – the kind you that got you fancy pretty things in childhood. ‘Paa buy me this teddy because I get nightmares when I sleep alone.’ The point is- you are still that person. Only that after growing up you don’t get teddy when you want it. You may get it if you are lucky. But you may not. And you will have to find some other way to live without one, sooner or later. Sooner or Later. Yes I chose later in my case. Infact, I dint even choose it. It eventually happened- one day when the PM himself called. Yes the PM! He spoke (ya spoke) to me showing concern on how our economy was getting affected because so many capable youngsters like me opt for voluntary unemployment every year. ‘Don’t you understand it’s because of people like you that our GDP suffers?’ he said. Anyway that story can be covered later. But if I think of it now, I don’t know why anyone, so deeply in love or whatever it once was would have chosen ‘sooner’ in my place? Falling in love happens so fast. But growing up takes time. PS- Stats show that people who are ‘cool’, after loss of a relationship, take more than twice the time to come to terms with life and be able to perform everyday activities with their regular energy. Possible reason sighted- they live in denial phase for longest time as they find it extremely difficult to break down even before the closest folks.

3 comments:

sid! said...

For the first time i am having difficulty sorting the imaginary from the real. Just a thought. Indeed sad.

sid! said...

Rofl...sigh sigh :P I sometimes wonder whether we fall in love with a person or with the idea of love.

sid! said...

I can never stop enjoying your writings.