looking forward to..

I became 19 yrs a few days ago-received my best gift.Thnx andy,I couldn’t have thought something as creative, even if I had thought….well,I wouldn’t have taken efforts to see it through.That’s modest Abha talking.This year my Birthday was a smooth day the way I wished it to be…had a quite time listening to music,played guitar, received calls all day long, and very wittily dodged the question of “where’s the treat?”, by saying “no celebration this time, for a change”.But cutting the cake was inevitable,so for a change I cut two cakes this time…(cousin got one unknowingly).
Then there was a long drive to a place which was called,I don’t remember what its called,we had dinner,drove back home.The day ended and I was satisfied the way it went about.
One sure thing is that I am going to have a great year ahead. I don’t know why I feel so,but had a rough time in 2006.I have faltered a lot,but then who says faltering is bad.I have learned a great deal about almost everything in just one year.
So what do you think is the greatest development that will make year 2007…other than Moeser Baeier selling DVDS and VCD’s at rates of current pirated cds? And
Bollywood’s biggest tie of wedding(Abhiash)?

A time to sing...

To everything
Turn, turn, turn
There is a season
Turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under Heaven
A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

To everything
Turn, turn, turn
There is a season
Turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under Heaven

A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace
A time to refrain from embracings

To everything
Turn, turn, turn
There is a season
Turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under Heaven

A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time for love, a time for hate
A time for peace, I swear it's not too late

To everything
Turn, turn, turn
There is a season
Turn, turn, turn

wanting,having,loving,bullshit!!

what when all the right things happen at wrong times.........?
NOTHING...you learn to appreciate time and move on!!
Day in n day out,i am blessed with wishes and love that ppl wround me have to offer...they wish i have what i love n love what i have....to always want to live more,never having to live to want more...where does all of it get me?

At the end of the day i gotta believe in myself,because if i dont,i may not believe in the best of words of my best friends,though they are truly genuine.
So let me put it flat...

Work till i am able to say..
"I have all that i wanted and what i dont have,i never wanted."

i knw ppl have heard this b4 by King of Bollywood..but those who read my blog,know that i sometimes quote other ppl...SOMETIMES!!

Understanding the irrelevent...

Read at ur own risk,...its awful piece i have here....

All this for love, they say
But who is to pave the way,
when the roads are shadowed
and there's darkness in the ray?

Excuse me but there's no regret
there's still much adventure left
I always keep my sails ready
My life is as calm as waves..

Loneliness is mind's desire,
is not always akin to sadness
when deafening silence begins to roar ,
The world has an easy reach to the shore

I shall always seek for god's
helping hand , for crutches are too worldly,
Faith is synonymous to oneself
deniers will know they've lost their pride!

Searching answers in shallow depths ,
is anchoring your boat in desert soil
You need to plunge into deepest wells
to quench your thirst for a while.

Life is spilt in blues and greys
and others that cant be discerned
But as i lay and think, the memories
appear in an unframed potrait unclear.

Get back baby..

So many times
i have sold myself to the unknown...
just to learn a few tricks of the world!
it pained me deep and i cant bear it more
when you said "Grow up baby,its a wide wild world."
this one's for You baby....

I have lived your dreams
And you shaped some of mine,
Said together we will chase them
Till the end of time.you said
Come what may,”I’ll stand by you”,
And today my heart aches to see a broken You.

A year without you seemed like a long decade,
My hope got stronger but my thoughts decayed.
Am sick and tired of losing and getting the boos
But I am ready to try again whenever you say “abhu”

It’s a painful journey,the fact is sour,
I say “hold on boy”,you’ve come so far
You say “haven’t taken the journey I’d intended to,
Again I am left speechless by a broken you.

I live life with no plans in advance
Pretended wise while taking a chance,
I love to follow my instincts,they’re often true..
This time I wont take a chance,I wont get screwed,
I promise to god I’ll get back YOU.

defence mechanism

wierd things occur at certain moments of your life,leaving you undecided ...putting you in a state wher you ask self "why i did this at first place"....sometimes things dont go about the way they were meant to be and you consolingly say to yourself,"maybe it wasnt just meant to be?".....maybe Lord had wanted it some other way....maybe this or maybe that....anything but what you had intended too!!

We call it DEFENCE MECHANISM(ya da one we leant in FC).So when i write a blog in da flow of emotions this morning and order "publish"...blogspot thinks a lot and is apprehensive to accept my post,inspite of my several appeals by way of "refresh" option.and i give up finally after realising that my post is lost in the process..you can only imagine my disappointment if you a blogger yourself.
some might say that they are not a dumb blogger not to have written in word first!!
but the point is to make myself feel better or less pathetic,i conclude by saying "this wasnt meant to be!the post i had written was too personal,maybe its good in a way,now that its erased forever.i anyways saw my purpose by welting out my feelings...."blah blah blah...
aur is tarah mera emotion bhara blog bali chadh gaya.
humans err...and given that blogspot allow so many of them to confess here...yeh ek galti aapko(blogspot ko) maaf!!

honeymoon travels ltd

a nice 2 hours fun-packed movie,light entertainment with good discretion of characters.great direction.....a must see movie,speciaaly just b4 your exams,to ease a bit.it leaves you with no hang over...its no take away,but while you are seated in theater,its a total 2 hour dhamaal...i couldnt help laughing even at the silliest of jokes(if there were any)...

well you see, maths has made me so mentally numb,that before the movie started,i declared to my friends that every joke has to be laughed upon!
but that was inevitable....all had fun!

And i loved each part of it(big deal...a 2 hr movie)...u just keep asking for more..and how lucky u feel when u get it--movie had arjun rampal's stunning entry for a bonus"!!
it was a flawless movie until da moment Diya Mirza calls Arjun aloud..."JIGNESSH"!!
but apart from that a good movie!
and i am in ove with da song "aisa mera pyaar hai"...will be humming it for some days now..more so while doing maths.

Thane without Autos...

its Sunday morning.09.00PM. Few autos are back roads,....same time yesterday i was in a terrible fix.i had decided to go to college after a long consideration...and here i am,waiting for Pawar nagar bus for about 20 minutes and praying for an auto to pass by.i see 2 autos standing at the corner,they ask me "kahaan jana hai?"...i say "station"...auto wala,"nahin jayega"..
i ask "why?"...says,"CNG nahi hai,station tak nahi pahuchega.."
finally i had to call up dad and ask him to drop me at the station.later i would realise they(autos walas) declared a perpetual strike,much to the horror and discomfort of thaneties.since the strike was called without a prior notice,the people were large and by unprepared to take it in their stride.And what was the strike all about...everyone kept wondering.Not that they require a firm reason.With the long queues that continue till unreasonable distance.....frustrations are bound to arise,not just among auto walas,its also a pain to drive along these roads as autos block the ways.And so early in the Saturday evening,many commuters returning home from a half day work,wishing a relaxing weekend ahead were strongly put off by the sight of long bus-standing queues and no auto-walas around.wheew!!
But people owning individual vehicles were in a different mood.They dint hesitate a bit while expressing their joy of driving on khaali roads,inspite of the troubles faced by the majority that depended on public transport...

Well howmuchever you curse the auto walas for their 1)rash driving,2)their profiting by share charges in the evening 3)taking four seaters instead of three...n few more,the fact remains.Autos in Thane were always in demand and with the new complexes springing up,the burgeoning crowd,their demand is only peaking...its evident from the queue you observe for an auto at station around 19:30PM every day.
Life without an auto will be difficult even for a day to say the least...

Wake up call..

With hopes of every rising sun,
you ditch the present day thinking
you
can deal with troubles best at dawn …
But you wake up to your senses
just when the sun shines the hardest.

This was written by me during disaapointed frame of mind….a rather honest view of how I have been spending early fresh hours of my days in bed until now.

It was not the case when I got up today, it was early morning for a change…
A visible fog had set in unlike yesterday’s thick one, which took every one for a surprise by lasting around till10:30.
Nothing could be seen clearly then
But now I can see everything quite clearly….

I have taken an inspiration,in opposite direction though from famous lines of one of the best Bollywood movies…which explains how exactly feel at this point of time



Soyee hai derr tak
Ab jaage hamen rehne do
Ye raat hai kyun aai
Bas subah jald hone do…
Dekhte rahe khwaab jo ab tak
Khuli palko se
Wo khwaab sach hone do…

a conversation..

A convo.Background:A male duo chanting mantras or bhajans or maybe both,accompanied by an amateur band.In short...they are producing varied noises together...
Jai Vithal...JAi hari...Jai vithal Jai hari
Girl :Do they stop even for a single moment.Why are they doing this?....it must have been ALMOST a week now..
Aunt :OVER a week!
Girl :why isnt anyone complaining?
Aunt :Shubha(a friend)is worst hit by this nuisance,she stays in Sugandh-bldg(name changed)...and they cant talk to each other at home for the sound is so loud.They start it as early as 5:oo in the morning...and it goes on till 11:00 at night.
Girl :What about the school?Dont they get disturbed while its all happening just behind their building?!?!
Aunt :Ofcourse it is disturbing them.They must complain.They have a good reason to complain.
Girl :What are they chanting btw?i can just get one line :"jai jai Vithal..Jai jai HAri" after an interval of an hour or so...
Aunt :I guess its a Bhagwad Gita paath...because yesterday i heard some sloka i know from it.
Girl :Gosh they are so terrible at it!What an insult to Bhagwad Gita.Cant we go to police...or simply complain that we have a heart patient at home...so be softer.
Aunt :Arre its just a politically motivated stunt to woo people from Suhash Nagar and likes.They are doing all this just to create their goodwill...that they are God-fearing and stuff.
Girl :hmm.
Aunt :Saale current jaane ke samay bhi nahai shaant baithte(which goes off everyday here)..guess what,they have installed a generator!Other day i was relaxed when the current went off thinking that they wont be able to blurt out for 3 hours atleast.But in a minute's time it started again with a bang!!
Girl :what a plight.Now that's what i call a double edged arrow!

a WE(a)K begins..

darkness was drifting away.people took to streets for various reasons...the kids on their way to school...some on foot,others in their rented vans and buses...many uncle-aunties in their sports shoes were either walking or jogging.A Dirubhai Ambani International school bus passes by...delivery vans and service-men: newspaper sellers,milk distributers at work.this was another ordinary morning and city looked already geared up for the day's work...i was in someone's car with my family...coming back from my cousin's wedding.previous night was fun,no sleep and lot of masti.but right then in the car...seeing the city responding to the rising sun was quite a difficult proposition.i hoped i were as enthusiastic,but my eyes told a different story.i wished to be able to spend this day as a regular one,without taking a break until noon,but my eyes got drowsier by seconds.i reached my cousin's place which wasn't much far from the wedding hall..gave every friend i could think of then,a missed call(simply) and retired to bed.this is how my week started,i promise myself more interesting days ahead...

Purest elements...

I have

Imagination so stark as to laugh upon reality
Fear so steep as to plunge into the darkness
Humiliation so fat as to burst into madness
Love so liquid as to fill all the emptiness
Shame so low as to hug all the greediness.

It happened to me

Déjà vu

I entered M11.They were all sitting in a group and chatting .When I opened the door,it felt like I was entering a setup.Every object there seemed to be set-up according to my imagination, exactly where I had imagined them to be.I had a strong feeling that everything,every action in the room was a repetition. “I have been through this before”,..”but when?”…they were all talking,some saw me come in and said hi’.But I couldn’t concentrate on what anyone was saying.I was too dumb to react to this experience.I wanted to justify it somehow…”When exactly did this happen,this same scene…” and feeling stayed for 3-4 seconds, but it seemed hours passed by,as I strained my mind to recollect something of the similar sort. But no success. I exhaled and said RELAX! A déjà vu again!!
I have had similar experiences before.Once I remember a deja-vu lasting for pretty long time, while I was sitting at home.I look at the watch to see the time and something strikes.Many seconds pass by.I try to look at anything around that shall break the spell but I am not able to differentiate realty from what I was seeing.(going thru).It was not unlike any film you watch for a second time, except this one invariably gives you goose bumps once you are done with it!!
Earlier I remember getting damn scared.While I was still in school and wasn’t aware something called Déjà vu. I was forced to think “am I going nuts?”…”what the hell was that!”.. but now its easier for me to settle with the confirmation that everyone experiences it some time or other.
But now since the word is much in news because of the movie releasing soon,I would like find more about it. Some plain questions if you can answer…”Why does it occur?”What does it signify or it doesn’t signify anything at all(hope this is the case).And how many times have you guys experienced it….some definite facts you have in regard to this, then please reply!

I see you..

I was walking down the bridge, thinking of him. What did his last conversation to me mean? Does he still thinks of me as often? Does he too flinches somewhere deep inside when my name is uttered…or has he been successful in creating a wall of indifference, that he’d promise to me to maintain. Then as I trotted down the last two steps, he appeared at some distance, out of nowhere! At once ,as if embarrassed ,as if he’d read my thoughts, I looked sideways, pretending not having noticed him. The reality set in…and I realized I was acting weird by looking away! I looked in his way, there was a girl along with him. I knew her pretty well. I smiled through the crowd at him(and her).I lifted my right arm..hi’…but then…he looked away and they both resumed talking. Had he noticed me and did that deliberately? Maybe he dint see me at first place. But they both were looking in my direction,howcome neither of them noticed? Or even worse, God help me if that is the case,..did my face betray me once again and tell him the entire truth? that I still cared for him…I still have feelings. I don’t want to know the answers. soon I’ll learn, that I don’t care…

seventeen years of living

Written by a seventeen year old confused girl..

Seventeen years of living
means an inmate feeling growing
of seeing things as a matured being
though certitude remains a lost thing,


Grasping the odds of the wild world
fleeing away from trials girl
the river in me has begun to flow
not caring which way to go
slow slow slow ,....
there's time to decide the road.
And now when i am 18,not much has changed....pity?

Event that has changed my life.
(Drafted long back...posted as on 3rd Oct.2006.
1:20A.M.)


Having been biased to my personal Blog for quite some time, I now once again resume to writing..
But how did I come to think of writing on something as tacky as this post?….Well, da idea cropped up after I had this casual chat wid a friend, whoz been given an essay as assignment :”Event that changed my life”…I don’t think he was further specified …for good or bad!

However I discarded it as “one of those shitty assignments”…how can one event be strong enuf to change da entire outlook of your life, it still beats me. But putting myself in his position, I tried to figure out whether at all I wud be able to scribble something, given that da assignment is an obligation..?
One may ask why I bothered to put myself into this world of trouble, let me tell you that my exams starts in just 10 days.And by default anything but that is related to my studies, has to get my prior attention!

contd...

I was 12 then. We friends were playing ,I think it was a winter evening..…and at dat age it dint matter, vacation or no vacation, play was must! Those lively moments … dusky hours that went by like seconds while playing hide and seek,…best friends changed every other day….sight of chocolates ditched all mannerisms…frilled frocks….and this cud go forever. But unfortunately we all grow up…
and how fast!

I came back home and and for some reason wasn’t in a perfect mood that day.Looking at da dispassionate expression on my face,my father enquired casually, “dear, how was ur day? You had sports day naa today?What were da results?”…

Being reminded of the catastrophe I gave a sad sigh…dad we were pathetic! RUBY(that’s da house I belonged to ) lost it again!

Funny to note but yeah…this was da time of my school days when we were just being assigned colour-based houses!Though I myself dint participate in any sport event as such,I had far much conveniently taken da pride in being in a red house(just coz every 1 around seemed to do exactly da same.)

And here was this 12 year old girl….concerned abt da future of her team in a way that a farmer wud be for his coming monsoon yield!
“Dad I tell u I don’t feel like being in this house.” That year Ruby broke all records by not winning in a single thing! “That Shweta(name changed for unidentification) was teasing me so much today…just becoz she is in Sapphire(blue) which happnd to win da House award this year!”….and stupid it seems to me now…but imagine my agony over a defeat…took it so personally that I went to da extent of begging dad to put me in some other house!!

That’s when he sharply interrupted me,..then taking his own time started speaking again.He explained me how a thing…whether a person,team,business,or relationship goes thru two extreme stages…one is its upclimb…da other da downrace.It takes much lesser time for a team to fall than its way upward to glory.

”But that doesn’t mean that you quit your company!Now that you are a part of this team, u surely expect ur team to win everytime and be proud of ur victory..but you should also take as much responsibility in da mistakes that ur team makes…because unless u perform ur team wont win.and this is an important lesson of ur life my dear.NEVER FORGET IT!”he said.

At once i was embarassed and felt like taking back my words ..…”y was I so disrespectful to my house!” I regretted.

And from then onwards I tried to be more patient…even as da asst.House Prefect in std.10th…I hoped da best from my team….and it was something worth hoping! We won da house award that year wid a whooping majority of scores in our bag!
This was 1 event which surely had a gr8 impact on me…for good.J

….now I better go back to studies…no marks for guessing y I love blogging when exams are nearing…

God give me tolerance...

Talk of B.S, B.C, F.C.,.......study the day b4 exam subjects and you would find similar crap in all,which sends a strong feeling in you-a need for having one singlw subject replacing the 3.After all it wud save us 2 long days of studies!!(lolz...)

Ofcourse, am being able to speak my thought aloud only coz am sure of having a concensus of my colleague friends in the matter.

y do i bother so much ?!?!When u have a hectic life u tend to ignore such insignificant matters that come in ur way.But does that mean am in no rights to ponder over something which is a part of our system?

Or should i live wid a consolation that if none, atleast 1 female(to be read as Jaaju mam) who tries to see things from our point of view for once when she says,"In these 3 years(grad. time) da only thing u learn sitting in this class is TOLERANCE."
3 years is a long time,....and we aren't yet done wid our mid-terms.....huff...sigh!!

a matter of time

Life is so long...

Because it has so much to give us!

Fear not what remains

.....coz life dint start with a name,a problem or a road map

fear not what remains

....coz u were born with just a soul

So fear not what remains

....coz u live with hopes u call dreams

hey fear not what remains

....coz sometimes ur too busy to dream

and fear not what remains

....coz life isnt a patch work to get done wid

betta' fear not what remains

....coz this fear might take away da life in u

dear fear not what remains

....coz someday u'll be dead.

and then u'll be disappointed to see ur remains..

still holding on to

a name

a problem

and a road map.

If your whole life were a day,just 1 day,u'd still be in talks with God to increase da number of hours in a day...however quiver it may sound,but thats da fear we all live with,dont we?