koi aur ka koi aur hai..

Who meri taraf nigarah rahe
Mera dhyaan jaane kahan rahe
Meri aankhon mein kai soorate
Mujhe chahata koi aur hai…


Na gaye dino ko khabar meri
Na sharike haal nazar teri
Tere des mein Mere bhes mein
Koi aur ka koi aur hai…

jagjit

At the Blisspoint 2007

Past week was a great fun...missing something you have been asking for a long time,your wish being abandoned by philosophical house of thinking that says : "you cannot have everything you wish for."

We live in the age of a king who believes "i have everything i wanted and what i dont have....i never wanted" -My stand is simple- "Greed and desire dont understand philosophy- they are stronger forces. "





Delhi trip was a great experience.You cannot learn a few things unless you are put in new situations. i have travelled too less to know i love travelling or not.but i want to see as much as i can..

so here i am in delhi and dilli ki sardi...dilli ki hindi...dilli ka metero...dilli ke munde...aay hay!! i am overwhelmed by their welcoming nature...the ready acceptibility...the simplicity of speech "arre woh file toh jara pass kariyo".

Participating is more important than winning..no thats not philosophy its da truth.and losing is a part of life...but not all losing can be justified...losing a bag full of things love and affection (sometimes u are allowed to sound cheesy) on part of your carelessness is the worst punishment you can ever give to yourself.think of it this way : i dont want you to be thinking....leave all da thinking and brooding for me...i am alright.though there was a second in my life i had lost da capacity to think.. but everything passes.

So we passed by many places...others where we waited will stick to our memory forever..the India Gate at night..the Lal Kila..Canaught place..da Sarojini market...cycle ride to Jama Masjid's "Karims"..

Now getting back to events(aah i almost forgot to say this we are here for an "Economic Fest")..there was so much of competition..and we were so unprepared,that made the whole experience worht living just once..well 'once' coz next time we will go there with best possible preparations.

Delhi without mention of its food is insane. Totally abnormal when you are there in winter.Hogging was first on our priority list.We had best delicacies from best places..thats one thing we were well-prepared for .WE (read Satsheel,Chris,Abha and Yashshri) had list of things one should eat...paranthas..kebabs(for non veggies)...halwas...paneer paranthas...lassi... ... .. ... ...
We dint know breakfast and lunches for a while....we knew we had to eat whenever we were hungry.its Delhi -everthings fair.

The freedom from having a bath is such a joy...i dint bath until someone said"You are seriously stinking dude".. then those truths and dares... studs and stares...packed autos...packed metros..blueline,redline,yellow line...up down,in and out. halts and H2Gos(mineral water)
earrings and maujdis..morning 4 bread slices with limited butter and jam..
coldest and yet filling most veg rolls..

Oh da empty streets...rashing vehicles...defeaning nights-almost terrifying silence. All-India informal Gatherings where Ahmedabad,pune,Chennai,Goa,Mumbai and Calcutta came together in their true colours...
then staring maps until we know directions by heart...we probably can tell Delhi roads and places better than Mumbai now.

The Delhi trip is going to stay in my memory forever...in scenes and smells

da childish trivals

da hugs da patch ups

night gatherings

teeth tatterings
the getting-thrown-out thrills

da bondings da pairing others up

few secrets revealed

some others concealed ...

..................................................

Post 50 Posts!! yayyy

1 month passed when i last thought of blogging..but rejected da idea wid da fear that i may sound too tired in my blog..basically wasnt doing anything worth noting.i hated my phone ringing anytime of da day...no ringtone sounded decent!! no calls worth taking..

in da meanwhile i dint realise that i have already crawled 50 posts wid "Crawl with life"..so much so to my ocassional blogging.

Much has changed now...life's a vacation.i can indulge in my leisure activities...da cell seldom rings, msd calls are rare..it feels odd,but feels good.

it feels good

feels great

someday i had to get back to blogging..

this is a nice start!!

look at that pic...i love it..!!

innovation is God...

गजानना श्री गणराया आदि वंदु तुझ मोरया !!

One God which is beautiful in all its forms.....he's the most loveable and the sweetest!!

God of all innovations.....all inspiring.the one we all cherish!!

The best part about working with an organization is when you have supportive people. Remember people are the core organ of any organization. Everything else moves around them…along them…among them!! For a team anything is possible…without one everything is a TASK.

place: western railway
description:the boy is on drugs...a lady selling mehendi cones took notice of him

3 simple cues..

15-07-07
Zaara is in bus at present...all day she has been attending phone calls which makes her see herself in receptionist's post for once...and she cant help pitying herself.
She did everthing possible to avoid getting hooked up to too many things.And now she is here..figuring what can be dropped..whats worth keeping."And whom was i supposed to call",before she realises she is once again drifted to the old state of confusion.Cell phone in one hand..waiting to be used...the last few days it has been overused.
And she gets a phonecall
"Sarin calling."
"hey Sarin wassup?"
"Hi Am fine..acha we have a hike on 22nd this month.Counters will be put monday onwards.So keep looking"
"Ok.thanks for informing."
"And there's one thing i'd want to ask for a survey"
"Why are you living?"
(ok is that a joke..am i ON AIR? U knw..something like dat malishka's funny show)
What?"
"Why are u living this life is da question"
"Uh...becoz...uh..life..in life there is so much to feel happy about"
"okay.good"
"What is your goal in life?"
Aah..that irksome question..not agaiiiiiiiiiiiin(dint someone tell u i am total lukha?)
"Ahem.I want to grow older more sensibly."(well not in da same words..)
"How do you see yourself 10 years down the line?"
I see myself thriving for da best... ever willing to keep improving and learning in whatever field i am!!
"Alright!Thanks again.."
"No probs.Bye."
She hangs up da phone(alrite cell doesnt need hanging up,i get tht)..

Wow!! suddenly she feels great as if a huge LOAD is now lifted up and is vanished into thin air..that was a quick revisit to her short and long term plans...she wants to own an ad agency,realisation of few other start ups she thought of...ofcourse all that after graduating.

At da moment she is NOT doing anything which falls in line with her goals...And THIS precisely is the reason of irritation..Exactly THIS!!
AAh all that shitty load was a guilt about forgetting her goals and targets. And look it took just 3 simple questions to remind her abt her priorities!!

few hours at ccd..

Today i solved two puzzles that you get in the entertaintment section of the newspaper.The joy of getting the solutions was the sort i havent experienced enough in recent times...
Wish i could,by simple way of trial and error or substitution and little calculations simplify this BIG puzzle life is!!
In those hours,spent at a near-by cafe,staring at numbers and figures before my cuppa coffee, I learnt an important lesson ..
Never Give Up!!
At the end,many a time it pays more than you ever wanted..

beach

This coast is my time here
It is my entire life
At every corner,i have
come across beaches
some bubbly some furious
some friendly some serious,
some attacking some seducing
some silent others roaring.
all of them rushing with purpose
and a life of itself.
burdening me under
my own life's passivity-
to them i shall go
whenever i feel low,
to learn how to recede
and bounce back with vengeance.

What is Kalaghoda??

Sharing an auto-rickshaw in Mumbai is a cordial thing that people indulge into for their monetary benefit. Its quite an easy thing, if you are determined to find a person having similar destination. Scorching May sun makes your search faster.

So I am already in an auto rickshaw now with a 24 something guy. It wasn’t surprising then that we were already busy chatting within 5 minutes. “Are you coming back from college?” he asked looking at my bag. “No I had gone to Kala Ghoda for my German class”,I replied.
“Kala Ghoda?”
I repeated affirmatively,”Kalaghoda”.
He looked puzzled and again said, “Kalaghoda?”,this time making it sound as if it was a B grade area.
I said,” Yes, why? VT….Kalaghoda.” For a guy staying in Mumbai this shouldn’t be a new thing,I thought to myself.
“Aah !! VT. I am also coming back from VT .What a coincidence”, he said.
I concluded 2 things.The guy had boarded the same train as me. That is how we met right outside the station. Second as you can see, he’s a dumb!
Then he asked which college I went to.When I answered ,he made an awful guess . “Is it an engineering college?”
“No, a commerce college.”
“I don’t know much about Mumbai. I have come from Pune”,he finally yielded (before he brings India Gate to Mumbai)
“I should’ve guessed it. So where do you stay?”
And I got all basic information (which was a LOT) out from him.
Since how long are you working?(as if important for me to know)
Two years. Since last 6 months I am working at XYZ.”(a big name in Software Industry).”I have a pickup from home.”
I couldn’t resist a laugh at this. His office was like 15 minutes walking and 5 minutes by vehicle. Still he emphasized on “pickup” as if it was da greatest benefit at his current job. Also I concluded he dint travel beyond his office, which he later himself admitted.
Today was an exceptional day when he’d to travel till VT.

“So do you like Mumbai?”(This was getting interesting!!)

And the expression his face had when he looked straight moving his head to imply negation, will not be forgotten by me for a while. It is something you don’t want to hear but at the same time get excited to hear every time from an immigrant. As if I know a secret about the city that makes me love it more. The secret is living here and calling it your OWN.

So we got down at our complex gate and divide the fare. Just before we part our ways towards respective homes, he asks, “ Can you do me a favor?”
I said, “Yeah.What is it?” He removes his cell from pocket. Now I am getting curious by every second.
“Can you help me find a house-maid?I don’t know anyone here!”
“Oh a house maid! Now this is the most difficult thing to promise. But I’ll try definitely.” After which we quickly exchanged our numbers.
“After all it’s been two years he’s lived here,” I mused to myself.” He’s not a complete dumb.”

थिंक शंघाई थिंक थाने

THINK SHANGHAI THINK THANE...

One thing is sure...Whoever thought of such noble idea for being displayed on as large a hoarding as possible,..is not a Thaneite.For an average Thaneite is just not in the state of noticing and reacting to such advertisements(ya i am an exception).Another hoarding says.."SOON THE PEOPLE OF THANE WILL LOOK DIFFERENT.BEAUTIFULLY DIFFERENT."
HOW DIFFERENT? Read further to know..

There's a lot happening in Thane.There is a fly-over coming up from Station to Talawpali.Of this everyone must be aware,since plans were in place looong time ago and now the work has already started.So the junta is supposed to take busses to different routes,a compulsory Thane darshan-which means the bus will halt at all possible stops before you find yourself in the Eastern side of Thane railway station!!

Ask a working or daily-commuting Thaneite today what his biggest overhead expense...?I can bet on it that 6/10 people will say TRAVEL.Which brings me back to a question i had asked a few days ago in my blog "Thane without autos".

Can you imagine Thane without autos?It was easy for a few to say YES then.But Thane at this day already feels lacking in auto nos.If you are standing near auto stand at 8:30 PM and waiting for a rik to come...you are just fooling around with your time...Go uptill Alok...even further and chances are that you still dont find a rik-wala wanting to oblige you in exchange for meter fares.(Though there are manyy autos in this area..no one wants to drive it seems)
If you are smart enough you will ask for "share" seat kaa bhaav...to which he will reply "Bees rupya"(as on 30th May 2007)..who knows??their prices will shoot up like Infosys share prices overnight!

Or better still walk upto Talawpali lake and find a ghoda-gaadi!They are still cheaper i hope!!And what about these legendry Thane kaa HORSE-carts?Where will they go when flyway curves down at Talawpali...or will they still be there?
Only time will unfold these mystries,for i no longer believe that we have some anything like "CITY PLANNER"...to take care of these nitty-gritties of development.

Thane is developing at fast rate no doubt.But most of it is at the expense of its people.For living in a city where you cant even afford to find yourself the basic means of transport(read it busses or riks)..can be at times frustrating.More of so in monsoon...be prepared for paying auto wala anywhere between 20-50 per seat,or am i underestimating their union power?

क्या बात है....वाह वाह !!

how did this happen?!?!

lolzz...yeh hindi lipi kahaan se aai?
Well,things dont always go the way you have planned.Finest example is before you.I had intended to write a blog on my city Thane,how it looks these days...and when i typed "Thing Shanghai think Thane"...it came before me in Devnagari script(plain hindi).But the sentence looked wierd in Hindi...contrary to what it looks on those hoardings put at every junction of this city.So i changed the title.And wrote this blog just for the heck of it!

kya baat hai...waah waah..

looking forward to..

I became 19 yrs a few days ago-received my best gift.Thnx andy,I couldn’t have thought something as creative, even if I had thought….well,I wouldn’t have taken efforts to see it through.That’s modest Abha talking.This year my Birthday was a smooth day the way I wished it to be…had a quite time listening to music,played guitar, received calls all day long, and very wittily dodged the question of “where’s the treat?”, by saying “no celebration this time, for a change”.But cutting the cake was inevitable,so for a change I cut two cakes this time…(cousin got one unknowingly).
Then there was a long drive to a place which was called,I don’t remember what its called,we had dinner,drove back home.The day ended and I was satisfied the way it went about.
One sure thing is that I am going to have a great year ahead. I don’t know why I feel so,but had a rough time in 2006.I have faltered a lot,but then who says faltering is bad.I have learned a great deal about almost everything in just one year.
So what do you think is the greatest development that will make year 2007…other than Moeser Baeier selling DVDS and VCD’s at rates of current pirated cds? And
Bollywood’s biggest tie of wedding(Abhiash)?

A time to sing...

To everything
Turn, turn, turn
There is a season
Turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under Heaven
A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

To everything
Turn, turn, turn
There is a season
Turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under Heaven

A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace
A time to refrain from embracings

To everything
Turn, turn, turn
There is a season
Turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under Heaven

A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time for love, a time for hate
A time for peace, I swear it's not too late

To everything
Turn, turn, turn
There is a season
Turn, turn, turn

wanting,having,loving,bullshit!!

what when all the right things happen at wrong times.........?
NOTHING...you learn to appreciate time and move on!!
Day in n day out,i am blessed with wishes and love that ppl wround me have to offer...they wish i have what i love n love what i have....to always want to live more,never having to live to want more...where does all of it get me?

At the end of the day i gotta believe in myself,because if i dont,i may not believe in the best of words of my best friends,though they are truly genuine.
So let me put it flat...

Work till i am able to say..
"I have all that i wanted and what i dont have,i never wanted."

i knw ppl have heard this b4 by King of Bollywood..but those who read my blog,know that i sometimes quote other ppl...SOMETIMES!!

Understanding the irrelevent...

Read at ur own risk,...its awful piece i have here....

All this for love, they say
But who is to pave the way,
when the roads are shadowed
and there's darkness in the ray?

Excuse me but there's no regret
there's still much adventure left
I always keep my sails ready
My life is as calm as waves..

Loneliness is mind's desire,
is not always akin to sadness
when deafening silence begins to roar ,
The world has an easy reach to the shore

I shall always seek for god's
helping hand , for crutches are too worldly,
Faith is synonymous to oneself
deniers will know they've lost their pride!

Searching answers in shallow depths ,
is anchoring your boat in desert soil
You need to plunge into deepest wells
to quench your thirst for a while.

Life is spilt in blues and greys
and others that cant be discerned
But as i lay and think, the memories
appear in an unframed potrait unclear.

Get back baby..

So many times
i have sold myself to the unknown...
just to learn a few tricks of the world!
it pained me deep and i cant bear it more
when you said "Grow up baby,its a wide wild world."
this one's for You baby....

I have lived your dreams
And you shaped some of mine,
Said together we will chase them
Till the end of time.you said
Come what may,”I’ll stand by you”,
And today my heart aches to see a broken You.

A year without you seemed like a long decade,
My hope got stronger but my thoughts decayed.
Am sick and tired of losing and getting the boos
But I am ready to try again whenever you say “abhu”

It’s a painful journey,the fact is sour,
I say “hold on boy”,you’ve come so far
You say “haven’t taken the journey I’d intended to,
Again I am left speechless by a broken you.

I live life with no plans in advance
Pretended wise while taking a chance,
I love to follow my instincts,they’re often true..
This time I wont take a chance,I wont get screwed,
I promise to god I’ll get back YOU.

defence mechanism

wierd things occur at certain moments of your life,leaving you undecided ...putting you in a state wher you ask self "why i did this at first place"....sometimes things dont go about the way they were meant to be and you consolingly say to yourself,"maybe it wasnt just meant to be?".....maybe Lord had wanted it some other way....maybe this or maybe that....anything but what you had intended too!!

We call it DEFENCE MECHANISM(ya da one we leant in FC).So when i write a blog in da flow of emotions this morning and order "publish"...blogspot thinks a lot and is apprehensive to accept my post,inspite of my several appeals by way of "refresh" option.and i give up finally after realising that my post is lost in the process..you can only imagine my disappointment if you a blogger yourself.
some might say that they are not a dumb blogger not to have written in word first!!
but the point is to make myself feel better or less pathetic,i conclude by saying "this wasnt meant to be!the post i had written was too personal,maybe its good in a way,now that its erased forever.i anyways saw my purpose by welting out my feelings...."blah blah blah...
aur is tarah mera emotion bhara blog bali chadh gaya.
humans err...and given that blogspot allow so many of them to confess here...yeh ek galti aapko(blogspot ko) maaf!!

honeymoon travels ltd

a nice 2 hours fun-packed movie,light entertainment with good discretion of characters.great direction.....a must see movie,speciaaly just b4 your exams,to ease a bit.it leaves you with no hang over...its no take away,but while you are seated in theater,its a total 2 hour dhamaal...i couldnt help laughing even at the silliest of jokes(if there were any)...

well you see, maths has made me so mentally numb,that before the movie started,i declared to my friends that every joke has to be laughed upon!
but that was inevitable....all had fun!

And i loved each part of it(big deal...a 2 hr movie)...u just keep asking for more..and how lucky u feel when u get it--movie had arjun rampal's stunning entry for a bonus"!!
it was a flawless movie until da moment Diya Mirza calls Arjun aloud..."JIGNESSH"!!
but apart from that a good movie!
and i am in ove with da song "aisa mera pyaar hai"...will be humming it for some days now..more so while doing maths.

Thane without Autos...

its Sunday morning.09.00PM. Few autos are back roads,....same time yesterday i was in a terrible fix.i had decided to go to college after a long consideration...and here i am,waiting for Pawar nagar bus for about 20 minutes and praying for an auto to pass by.i see 2 autos standing at the corner,they ask me "kahaan jana hai?"...i say "station"...auto wala,"nahin jayega"..
i ask "why?"...says,"CNG nahi hai,station tak nahi pahuchega.."
finally i had to call up dad and ask him to drop me at the station.later i would realise they(autos walas) declared a perpetual strike,much to the horror and discomfort of thaneties.since the strike was called without a prior notice,the people were large and by unprepared to take it in their stride.And what was the strike all about...everyone kept wondering.Not that they require a firm reason.With the long queues that continue till unreasonable distance.....frustrations are bound to arise,not just among auto walas,its also a pain to drive along these roads as autos block the ways.And so early in the Saturday evening,many commuters returning home from a half day work,wishing a relaxing weekend ahead were strongly put off by the sight of long bus-standing queues and no auto-walas around.wheew!!
But people owning individual vehicles were in a different mood.They dint hesitate a bit while expressing their joy of driving on khaali roads,inspite of the troubles faced by the majority that depended on public transport...

Well howmuchever you curse the auto walas for their 1)rash driving,2)their profiting by share charges in the evening 3)taking four seaters instead of three...n few more,the fact remains.Autos in Thane were always in demand and with the new complexes springing up,the burgeoning crowd,their demand is only peaking...its evident from the queue you observe for an auto at station around 19:30PM every day.
Life without an auto will be difficult even for a day to say the least...

Wake up call..

With hopes of every rising sun,
you ditch the present day thinking
you
can deal with troubles best at dawn …
But you wake up to your senses
just when the sun shines the hardest.

This was written by me during disaapointed frame of mind….a rather honest view of how I have been spending early fresh hours of my days in bed until now.

It was not the case when I got up today, it was early morning for a change…
A visible fog had set in unlike yesterday’s thick one, which took every one for a surprise by lasting around till10:30.
Nothing could be seen clearly then
But now I can see everything quite clearly….

I have taken an inspiration,in opposite direction though from famous lines of one of the best Bollywood movies…which explains how exactly feel at this point of time



Soyee hai derr tak
Ab jaage hamen rehne do
Ye raat hai kyun aai
Bas subah jald hone do…
Dekhte rahe khwaab jo ab tak
Khuli palko se
Wo khwaab sach hone do…

a conversation..

A convo.Background:A male duo chanting mantras or bhajans or maybe both,accompanied by an amateur band.In short...they are producing varied noises together...
Jai Vithal...JAi hari...Jai vithal Jai hari
Girl :Do they stop even for a single moment.Why are they doing this?....it must have been ALMOST a week now..
Aunt :OVER a week!
Girl :why isnt anyone complaining?
Aunt :Shubha(a friend)is worst hit by this nuisance,she stays in Sugandh-bldg(name changed)...and they cant talk to each other at home for the sound is so loud.They start it as early as 5:oo in the morning...and it goes on till 11:00 at night.
Girl :What about the school?Dont they get disturbed while its all happening just behind their building?!?!
Aunt :Ofcourse it is disturbing them.They must complain.They have a good reason to complain.
Girl :What are they chanting btw?i can just get one line :"jai jai Vithal..Jai jai HAri" after an interval of an hour or so...
Aunt :I guess its a Bhagwad Gita paath...because yesterday i heard some sloka i know from it.
Girl :Gosh they are so terrible at it!What an insult to Bhagwad Gita.Cant we go to police...or simply complain that we have a heart patient at home...so be softer.
Aunt :Arre its just a politically motivated stunt to woo people from Suhash Nagar and likes.They are doing all this just to create their goodwill...that they are God-fearing and stuff.
Girl :hmm.
Aunt :Saale current jaane ke samay bhi nahai shaant baithte(which goes off everyday here)..guess what,they have installed a generator!Other day i was relaxed when the current went off thinking that they wont be able to blurt out for 3 hours atleast.But in a minute's time it started again with a bang!!
Girl :what a plight.Now that's what i call a double edged arrow!

a WE(a)K begins..

darkness was drifting away.people took to streets for various reasons...the kids on their way to school...some on foot,others in their rented vans and buses...many uncle-aunties in their sports shoes were either walking or jogging.A Dirubhai Ambani International school bus passes by...delivery vans and service-men: newspaper sellers,milk distributers at work.this was another ordinary morning and city looked already geared up for the day's work...i was in someone's car with my family...coming back from my cousin's wedding.previous night was fun,no sleep and lot of masti.but right then in the car...seeing the city responding to the rising sun was quite a difficult proposition.i hoped i were as enthusiastic,but my eyes told a different story.i wished to be able to spend this day as a regular one,without taking a break until noon,but my eyes got drowsier by seconds.i reached my cousin's place which wasn't much far from the wedding hall..gave every friend i could think of then,a missed call(simply) and retired to bed.this is how my week started,i promise myself more interesting days ahead...

Purest elements...

I have

Imagination so stark as to laugh upon reality
Fear so steep as to plunge into the darkness
Humiliation so fat as to burst into madness
Love so liquid as to fill all the emptiness
Shame so low as to hug all the greediness.

It happened to me

Déjà vu

I entered M11.They were all sitting in a group and chatting .When I opened the door,it felt like I was entering a setup.Every object there seemed to be set-up according to my imagination, exactly where I had imagined them to be.I had a strong feeling that everything,every action in the room was a repetition. “I have been through this before”,..”but when?”…they were all talking,some saw me come in and said hi’.But I couldn’t concentrate on what anyone was saying.I was too dumb to react to this experience.I wanted to justify it somehow…”When exactly did this happen,this same scene…” and feeling stayed for 3-4 seconds, but it seemed hours passed by,as I strained my mind to recollect something of the similar sort. But no success. I exhaled and said RELAX! A déjà vu again!!
I have had similar experiences before.Once I remember a deja-vu lasting for pretty long time, while I was sitting at home.I look at the watch to see the time and something strikes.Many seconds pass by.I try to look at anything around that shall break the spell but I am not able to differentiate realty from what I was seeing.(going thru).It was not unlike any film you watch for a second time, except this one invariably gives you goose bumps once you are done with it!!
Earlier I remember getting damn scared.While I was still in school and wasn’t aware something called Déjà vu. I was forced to think “am I going nuts?”…”what the hell was that!”.. but now its easier for me to settle with the confirmation that everyone experiences it some time or other.
But now since the word is much in news because of the movie releasing soon,I would like find more about it. Some plain questions if you can answer…”Why does it occur?”What does it signify or it doesn’t signify anything at all(hope this is the case).And how many times have you guys experienced it….some definite facts you have in regard to this, then please reply!

I see you..

I was walking down the bridge, thinking of him. What did his last conversation to me mean? Does he still thinks of me as often? Does he too flinches somewhere deep inside when my name is uttered…or has he been successful in creating a wall of indifference, that he’d promise to me to maintain. Then as I trotted down the last two steps, he appeared at some distance, out of nowhere! At once ,as if embarrassed ,as if he’d read my thoughts, I looked sideways, pretending not having noticed him. The reality set in…and I realized I was acting weird by looking away! I looked in his way, there was a girl along with him. I knew her pretty well. I smiled through the crowd at him(and her).I lifted my right arm..hi’…but then…he looked away and they both resumed talking. Had he noticed me and did that deliberately? Maybe he dint see me at first place. But they both were looking in my direction,howcome neither of them noticed? Or even worse, God help me if that is the case,..did my face betray me once again and tell him the entire truth? that I still cared for him…I still have feelings. I don’t want to know the answers. soon I’ll learn, that I don’t care…

seventeen years of living

Written by a seventeen year old confused girl..

Seventeen years of living
means an inmate feeling growing
of seeing things as a matured being
though certitude remains a lost thing,


Grasping the odds of the wild world
fleeing away from trials girl
the river in me has begun to flow
not caring which way to go
slow slow slow ,....
there's time to decide the road.
And now when i am 18,not much has changed....pity?